Wednesday, 26 October 2016

Sometimes we just need to escape.....

....because we feel trapped.

 I love our dogs, and  I enjoy the fact that we can help so many other dogs and cats in our area, but occasionally I have a desperate need to get away from it all.

Those of you also involved in animal rescue and welfare I think will understand what I mean.  Even having one or two dogs can restrict you.  You can't just pack a bag and set off somewhere on a whim.  You need to put your pets in kennels or find someone to look after them.  Easy with one or two dogs, but 12 is a different kettle of fish entirely.  Who in their right mind would want to look after this many dogs, not to mention the cats, and keeping an eye on the dogs in the village and sanayi?

In 18 years, Kaya and I have never had a holiday together.  We've never even been away for one night together.   If I want to go to England to see my family, I have to choose a time when he is not working so that he can be here to look after the animals.  Likewise, on occasions when he has been working away, I have to be here.

I haven't seen my daughter and grandsons since February.  I usually try to visit on Billy and Jimi's birthdays, 6 days apart in April, but because Kaya started work in March this year it wasn't possible. My daughter's birthday is in September, and I have missed an awful lot of them because it's a busy time in tourism.  That makes me very sad.  I would love to be with her on her birthday.

Of course I book my flights way in advance to get the best prices, but had I known that Kaya would be out of work before the end of the season, I could have gone to the UK sooner than 4th November.  Nevertheless as the day approaches I am very excited and so looking forward to being there.

I tell myself at this point in time that it will be such a relief to have some time away from barking dogs and endless feeding of same, but I know I'll probably miss them.  It's a real dilemma.  If I could win the lottery (difficult as I never buy a ticket!)  I could  buy a huge piece of land for the dogs and employ someone to care for them if I just fancied escaping for a few days.  Perhaps a private jet to pop over to England?  

Kaya tells me that he is done with tourism.  He's not getting any younger and it really is a young man's game.  The long hours are exhausting and take their toll.  I'm hoping that he can find something locally which will make life a lot easier for both of us.  If that happens then I fully intend to go to the UK for my family's birthdays next year.  Better still, I'd like them to come and stay with us.   We'll just have to wait and see.

This post is beginning to sound like one big whinge, but it's not really because I don't regret the decisions I made.  Caring for these animals is a commitment which will last as long as I live.

But an escape now and then would be nice wouldn't it?

Saturday, 22 October 2016

Nothing stays the same

Sunday 22nd March 2009.  That was the day I wrote my first blog post.  Since then I've done 2000 posts. How on earth have I managed to write so much?

A lot has happened since then.

The most exciting events were the arrival of my grandsons.  Billy is now 7 years old and Jimi is 5 years old, and both at school.  It seems like only yesterday that they were tiny babies.  I love them so much but miss them dreadfully.  I wish I could just pop over to see them much more often.  A lottery win and a private jet would help!

I am going to the UK on 4th November, but just for 9 days.  I wish it were longer but having booked the flights in June...well in advance to get the best price, and not knowing when,  where, or if Kaya would be working, I have to accept what I can get.

This year has been a difficult one, for many reasons.  So much has happened in this country, not all good,and the effect on tourism has been dreadful. Kaya has been in and out of work since the start of the season, finally giving up on tourism completely when it became apparent that there were very few customers and as a result bosses cut corners.  They stop paying insurance.  They make promises about wages but when it comes to pay day, they change their minds and pay less or nothing at all.

He worked at the sanayi for a couple of weeks, then was laid off.  After a week or so he was taken back on again.   He worked from early morning till as late as midnight some days and for two weeks work was paid just 300 lira...and no insurance.   Just over a week later they took him on again.  He hoped things might have improved.  He worked for 8 days and was laid off again.   Now, one week later, he still hasn't been paid.   He continues to look for work, but winter is fast approaching so it's unlikely he'll find anything.   In the meantime, he is doing work in the garden and behind the house, mostly to prevent water getting through the walls of the house and onto the balcony when the rain starts.  Those of you living here know that when it rains here, boy does it rain.  Torrential is an understatement!

We still consider ourselves luckier than most.  We don't pay rent because our house is owned by my father-in-law, and I have my pension.  There are so many others here who have far less, and have families to support.  We are very fortunate to have the support of friends which enables us to continue to care for our 12 rescued dogs, and the others in our village and local sanayi, not forgetting several cats who we now feed.

The country is still in a state of emergency following the attempted coup, but apart from far fewer tourists, day to day life has not really changed.  Security has tightened up at airports and there are more police traffic checks.  But that's a good thing.  I've always felt confident of security here, particularly at airports where you can't enter a terminal building without going through a scanner.  I'm always more anxious about using Heathrow airport where people can wander in and out unchecked.

Those regular tourists who are not put off by the scaremongering UK press, and who still came here  this year,  will tell you that their holidays have been just as good as always.  It's not safe anywhere these days, and Turkey is no more at risk than any other country.  Let's hope 2017 is better, not just in Turkey, but everywhere.

Tuesday, 13 September 2016

Reasons not to blog

I have been wondering why I seem to have lost my enthusiasm for blogging.  Not just writing blog posts but reading other blogs too.  It used to be one of the first things I would do in the morning after rising very early to feed the dogs.  I'd settle down with a coffee and catch up with my favourites...and then do one of my own.

So this morning I was drawn to a blog post by one of my many blogging friends, Annie in Spain, who seems to feel the same way, and she blames it to a certain extent on her smartphone.  I must say I hadn't thought of this, but I think she's right.

Because of the dreadful service from TTNet, my internet connection comes and goes...and sometimes stays away for several days.  Although I never wanted a smartphone, I'm now glad I  have one and am using it a lot more than my laptop.  I have it permanently connected to Turkcell internet which is much more reliable.  I can take photos of my dogs and cats, or if I am out and about, and upload immediately to Facebook.  I don't have to mess around transferring the photos and then uploading to a blog post.  I don't have to keep logging in with my laptop to check Facebook or emails.  A ping on my phone tells me someone has responded to a post on Facebook, or that I have an email or message on Messenger or Whatsapp.

The downside is that my eyesight is just not good enough to do a blog post from my phone....that and the silly little keyboard with it's predictive text.  So blogging gets pushed to one side.

My last blog post was on 17th August, with updates about the dogs and cats, and also Kaya's work situation this year.  At that point he was on his third job of the season.  Sure enough, that one didn't last either.  He's now been out of work for over a week.   He did get paid what he was owed, which is always a bonus, and he has been looking around for work, and thinking about other possibilities which will get him out of tourism.  In the meantime we are in the middle of Kurban Bayram which this year has been extended to 9 days, so nothing is going to happen workwise until the holiday is finished.

He is using the time this week to do jobs around the garden.  He has re-done the cat area and you can see  what a good job he has made of it.  We bought 4 cat boxes at a good price in Bodrum which are now on a high platform along with cat food, easily accessible to the cats, but not to the sheepdogs who have recently been stealing the cat food.

He has also knocked down part of a stone wall at the side of the house and is cementing the area where we try to park the car (with difficulty as it is a narrow space)  to make it easier to get in and out.  There is more work to be done to tidy up the big dogs area at the back of the house, so he will be kept busy for a while.

Fistik continues to improve with the medication and special shampoo for her condition.  She will continue with regular fortnightly checks with the vet.  She won't be cured, but she is a lot more comfortable.  Blondie's leg is now fine.  She gets an occasional hotspot.  I spray with the Bitter Apple Spray. She doesn't touch it and it heals.

We carry on with the feeding of dogs and cats in our area.  Food is regularly dropped off to our recruited feeders in the village, and to the sanayi where the kind workers there feed between 20 and 40 dogs each day, which they supplement with scraps from a food factory there.  All this is thanks to contributions from friends, without which we wouldn't be able to continue.  Thankyou so much.  (If you would like to help you can either message me on Facebook or email me at

Wednesday, 17 August 2016

Getting back to normal

When I say "normal" I mean I am attempting to get back to normal blogging again.

I could blame the intense heat of summer for lack of inspiration but I think it's really that you have to be in the right frame of mind to write.

So, what's been happening lately?   Kaya is on his third job since the start of the season.  He joined the tour company at the end of March that he worked for last year.    As anticipated, the season started off badly.  Scaremongering (mainly from foreign gutter press) has put people off coming here for holidays.  Businesses have closed down and many people are out of work.   Anyone with a job considers themselves lucky.

Naturally the greedy bosses play on this.  As in Kaya's case, fewer people were employed, but those who were still had to work ridiculously long hours.   Then the boss decides to cut salaries.   Then he doesn't pay up when he should.  Finally it is discovered that he hasn't paid employee insurance.  So Kaya managed to secure a similar job in Didim.    He set off full of optimism, but I wasn't really surprised when he returned just over a week later, having experienced the same attitude from the new boss.

For the past month he has been working back in Bodrum for a private health clinic.  Again he is working stupid hours.  It started well at 12 hours a day, but this has increased significantly and as a result he is tired and very grumpy.  But at least he is being paid and he gets one day off each week.  He'll stick it out, and there is a possibility that they will also have work for him during the winter months.  Fingers crossed.

A lot has happened recently in this country.  An attempted coup last month, and a four month state of emergency imposed.  There's so much more to all this of course, but I don't want to clog up my blog with anything political.  Suffice to say that there really doesn't seem to be any change to daily life here for most people at the moment.

And the dogs (and cats).   I think I am fortunate (touch wood) that my 12 rescues remain relatively healthy.  Megan still limps from time to time with her arthritis but is taking a daily supplement to help with her joints.  The problem Blondie has had with her ankle for almost two years has finally been sorted.  After many vet visits, antibiotics, an operation, and so many other remedies that didn't stop her from licking and re-opening the original wound, we finally hit on the cure.  Bitter Apple Spray, which can't be bought here, but a friend kindly brought over from the UK for me.  So the lampshade was finally removed after four months, and so far no further problems.

Fistik has always suffered with skin problems, and has also been back and forth to the vets for months now.  Her skin is black and scaly and she is losing her hair.  We finally have a diagnosis and treatment started.  It's a chronic condition and there is no cure, but hopefully the medication and special shampoo will prevent her scratching so much.  She will have to be checked on a regular basis and medication adjusted or changed.  It's a costly exercise, but worth it if we can make her life more comfortable.

We now have around 7 or 8 cats visiting the cat area at the side of the house to be fed and watered every day.  And we continue to provide sacks of food for the shepherd and his dogs,  the Hoca and the dogs he feeds, Annie's mum for Annie and other dogs, and our feeders at the sanayi, as well as food for our neighbour Dursune's cat Tekir and 3 other cats she is feeding.   We also administer worm and flea treatments for as many animals as possible, and provide vet treatment for sick or injured animals.

Since PayPal ceased operating in Turkey on 6th June, many friends who once sent money to help with caring for the dogs have stopped.  PayPal was so easy for people to use so I anticipated this.  Some friends however have found a way to continue to help and I am so grateful for their efforts.  But a difficult season with low earnings, and just my pension, means we may have to consider cutting back on what we provide.  It will be an absolutely last resort, and avoided for as long as possible.  If you wish to help, whether you live in Turkey or the UK, there are easy ways to do this.  Just email me at for details or message me on my Facebook group page.

We are now past the middle of August and although the days are still very hot, there is a very slight drop in temperature at night, which is a relief.   I don't do well in summer and can't wait for Autumn, Winter and Spring.   That's when I really feel I am back to normal!

Thursday, 11 August 2016

Just Me

Dear Blog

I have neglected you for a while.  I'm sorry about that but I have been quite busy elsewhere and the intense heat of summer doesn't really inspire me to write very much.

I have been using Facebook more than my blog.  I like to update my supporters about the dogs and cats on my group page.

Facebook can be useful at times for getting things off your chest.  When you feel angry or hurt it's easy to tap out something that, at the time, makes you feel a bit better.  You don't mention names so no-one need be offended.   Some people don't feel this is appropriate though.  I was reminded of this yesterday when my friend Maria posted about her need to offload her feelings on Facebook, and then finding that so called friends were reporting back to people not even on Facebook.  She was informed that she was a laughing stock.   She's not of course.  Anyone who is laughing has no compassion for someone who has recently lost two members of her family who were very close to her.

People share all sorts of things on Facebook.   I've watched them talk about husbands cheating, break-ups of marriages, sadness when a loved one is ill...and even more sadness when someone close to them dies.   Facebook can seem like a big family when someone is isolated and has no-one else to talk to.  The support gained from Facebook "friends", many of whom we have never met in person, can be very comforting.

I feel very isolated at the moment.  I also feel very depressed about things that have happened recently.   I try my best to support those close to me.  I don't always get it right.  When I don't I will always hold my hands up and apologise.  Sometimes I apologise over and over again, but that doesn't always work and I end up on the receiving end of someone else's anger.  I am told I am self-absorbed....I wish I had the time to be so.  I do have feelings though and can be hurt...if that is being self-absorbed, then OK...I am.

But I am also pissed off at being blamed for everything that is not my responsibility.   This morning for example it's my fault that the dogs are barking.   I am thinking of wearing a sign on my forehead saying "If you want someone to blame choose me".  

We are all human.  We have failings.  We are not perfect.   Try not to judge people for the things they do wrong, but try to remember the things they get right.   Positive encouragement works far better on someone's self-esteem.

If you wish to comment, please do so here on my blog, rather than on Facebook.  Thankyou

Thursday, 30 June 2016

"God" help us?

If there is a God or Allah, or whatever you to choose to believe in, then "He" has certainly got it in for Turkey at the moment.

I don't need to give you a list of everything that's been thrown at us over the past year or so.  If you read the papers or you are on Facebook, then you already know.  And it doesn't seem to be getting any better.  

It must be hard for those who have faith in something/someone they can't see or touch to carry on believing that to pray will save them.  They will tell you that it's not "his" fault.  It's human beings that create this chaos.  Well of course it is.

This beautiful country and it's warm and welcoming people are suffering.  Their indomitable spirit is being eroded bit by bit.

Tourism has taken the biggest hit because people are too afraid to come here.  It's understandable of course, but if they choose to go somewhere else for their holidays they are just as much at risk.  Nowhere is entirely safe.

Those who work in tourism have a few months to earn what they can to support their families throughout the rest of the year.  My husband is one of them, but I consider us to be better off than a lot of others.  We live rent free in a house owned by my father-in-law, and I have my state pension to subsidise us, which is just as well as my husband has recently been laid off from his job and is now in a different area with a similar position.  But still there are few tourists, so little chance of earning money.  I feel for those whose families who have no other income other than that provided by their men working in tourism.

This latest atrocity at Istanbul Airport would seem to be the final nail in the coffin.  My thoughts (but not prayers) are with those who have lost loved ones yet again from an act of terrorism.

Most of the blame has to lie at the feet of the one running the country, but of course I am not going to say anything more about that.  Those who live here know exactly what I mean.   I'll keep my mouth shut...we no longer have freedom of speech.

The world is changing...and not for the better.  Leaders everywhere seem to have little concern for the people of their countries.   Their interest is solely about power and control.  We are seeing so much hatred and prejudice.  

Love is the only way forward.  Unconditional love for our fellow man.  Hate never wins.


Sunday, 12 June 2016

It's Sunday....

Living in this village, away from civilisation (not entirely of course but it sometimes feels like it) every day is much the same.

I am up before sunrise.  My body clock wakes up around 4.30am and by 5am my 12 dogs let me know it's time for breakfast.  And so the routine of my day begins.

12 rescued dogs, all different, and most of them having arrived over the past few years with issues, take a lot of looking after.   But it doesn't stop there.  I have committed myself to feeding and caring for other street dogs in our village and at the sanayi 5km away on the main road.

You may recall my having mentioned that I now have a car.  I still need to sort out my license but Kaya has checked with the traffic police and I seem to be ok with the documents I have at the moment.  Naturally I don't know if this is entirely accurate.  It largely depends on which policeman he spoke to.  If he decided to check it out with 6 more policemen, I have no doubt each would have a different story.  Anyway, for the time being I am driving and if I get stopped by the police then I'll soon find out for sure.

At first I stuck to driving on the back roads between my village and my friend's village.  No traffic police...just tractors, sheep and cattle.  I've had to slow down at times to let cats, dogs, tortoises and a lizard cross the road as well.

Having not driven for more than 10 years, I was quite anxious at first, but with each day my confidence has grown.  In fact it is beginning to change my life for the better.

The week before last I crossed over the main road to deliver sacks of dogfood to the sanayi, then to the dog Annie's mum who feeds several dogs, and also to Osman in the village shop who does the same.

I needed more stocks of food.  On a trip over to my friend's village we drove into the nearest town (at least he drove because I was still anxious) and bought sacks of food.

But I knew that I would have to venture further to get supplies myself so on Thursday I drove into Milas and bought more from Migros who still had dogfood on offer.  I then went to Kipa to do my own shopping before setting off for home.  On the way I filled up with petrol (another worrying moment overcome...making sure I bought the correct fuel), and a drop off of more food to the sanayi.

I have until now had to rely on others to do these things for me.  Kaya rarely manages to get home and he is permanently exhausted so I feel guilty for putting pressure on him.  He had to come home last night for a couple of hours however, because we had a bit of an emergency.  Sadie somehow managed to break one of the fences in the first section of the big dogs' area and get out into the small dogs' area, followed closely by the other 6 big dogs.   After much frantic activity and a lot of sweating in this heat, I managed to get them all back into the far area and shut the gate.  The fence is now fixed...we'll see how long it lasts before Sadie breaks out again!

I am lucky to have a good friend in David, who has helped enormously over the past few years.  I am a naturally independent person so it's hard for me to ask others for help.  I don't know how I managed without him.

On Friday I drove again into Milas, this time braving the roadworks in the centre of town.  I needed to go to the bank to get a new debit card, but also my dear friend Fleur was driving over from Kusadasi to see me.  We had lunch together and a good catch-up and as we were saying our goodbyes it really hit me how much I am enjoying the independence this car gives me.   Not only that...I am prone to bouts of depression and my mood has now lifted considerably.  Who would have thought it could make such a difference to my life.

Wishing you all a very happy Sunday xx

Sunday, 29 May 2016

How to make life as difficult as possible.

I'm afraid many British immigrants here (sorry I hate the term expats so won't use it) are starting to believe that there is a concerted effort to make living here as difficult as possible.

There are residents permits to contend with.  There is a system of sorts but it seems dependent on the area in which you live as to whether you can sail through the process without problems.

You can't work without a work permit and they are not easy to obtain.  You cannot do a job that can be done by a Turk.  I actually agree with this up to a point.  It seems that teaching English is one of the few options open to foreigners.

It's always been possible to open a business here as a foreigner as long as you employ a certain number of Turkish nationals.  As far as I was aware if you met this criteria you could work in your business, but I think I may be wrong on that point.  Certainly in recent weeks it has come about that foreigners are now being fined and deported for not being aware of a change in the law in 2014 which apparently wasn't publicly announced (except as it seems in a newspaper called Resmi which covers such things, and which I frankly had never heard of before now).

One such lady in Didim bought a business a few years ago from another foreigner, has done everything by the book as she understood it, paid her taxes etc and employed Turks.  She wasn't even working herself but was quite suddenly told that she would have to leave the country in 30 days as she didn't have a work well as having to pay a hefty fine.  One could say that she should have made herself aware of the changes, but frankly it's impossible to keep up.  Laws are made or revised constantly, goalposts are moved, and even those in authority who are there to implement and uphold the laws don't always understand them.  Sadly, this lady has four young children, and has also during her time here done a lot for her local community.  She is very much appreciated by those who know her, and who are trying to raise funds to help her.

I am fortunate to have been married at a time when things were a lot simpler.  I automatically obtained dual nationality upon marriage, which allows me to live here without a residents permit, to work, to fact everything that a Turkish national is entitled to.  If this wasn't the case, and I had to jump through all these hoops, I very much doubt I would still be living here.

Kaya has now traded the motorbike in for a car.  We realised that it was going to be impossible to manage without one.  I haven't driven for a number of years.  The photo on my UK license expired a couple of years ago and I didn't renew it because I no longer have an address in the UK.  However, I showed this, along with the paper license to the traffic police in Bodrum in November and they assured me that I could have my license translated and noterised and as long as I had exit and entrance stamps on my passport every 6 months I could drive here.  I was a bit wary of this advice but got the translation and had it noterised.

The law then changed again in January and UK licenses now have to be exchanged for Turkish ones unless the 6 month date stamps can be shown on passports.  This isn't helpful for those immigrants who don't leave the country on a regular basis who will now have to do so, or change their licenses. I recently learned that as a dual national I could have exchanged my license years ago.  I wish I had known before it expired because if I want a Turkish license now I will have to take a driving test.  This is something that fills me with horror and it also costs money that we cannot afford.

So I have this car parked in front of the house which I can't  drive.

 So I will have to make a decision at some point about taking a test.   I'm reluctant to rush into doing this as I have no doubt the law will change again.

It's not easy here for foreigners these days and it's no wonder many are deciding to up and leave.

NOTE:  There is a wonderful page on Facebook to help foreigners through all the red tape.  It's called Doc Martin's Surgery for Expats in Turkey and you can find it by clicking this LINK

Monday, 16 May 2016


I saw this on someone's timeline on Facebook yesterday and it prompted me to do a blog post.

I've never really taken too much notice of the books, articles etc that interpret dreams.  I'm not sure I really want to know what they mean.  How does anyone know how to interpret them anyway?

We all have dreams don't we?  Or maybe some people don't.  They can stir up all sorts of emotions:  happiness, sadness, anxiety, and especially if they are so vivid that when we wake up we believe that they are real.

When I was a child I had a recurring dream about being able to fly.  In my dream I would come out of the house, to the end of the road, turn left until I came across a road which was a steep hill.  I would stand at the top of the road...jump...and fly to the bottom.

A common dream seems to be about falling.  I've had this one many times.  Another is trying to reach a destination but finding it impossible because of so many obstacles in my way.  I tend to get this last one if I am due to go on a journey, or if I am anxious about the dogs.

A rather more pleasant one that I had when I was a child was when I would be walking along a road and every few steps I found money on the ground.  I picked it up, continued walking and finding more.   If this was a sign that I might win the lottery, it never happened!

Occasionally I have a dream which, on waking and realising it's not true, upsets me dreadfully.   I have been estranged from my son for 18 years.  His choice, even though I still make attempts to contact him.   In my dream we have reconciled and my son is part of my life now.  It all seems so vivid and real.  Initially on awakening I still believe it and feel really happy.  After a short while the truth hits me and the sadness overwhelms me.

What do you dream about?   Are your dreams happy or sad?  Interesting or disturbing?  Have you actually tried to find out what they mean?  I'd like to know.

Sunday, 8 May 2016

Scaling back

This time last year the tourist season was well under way and Kaya was doing well in his job.  He gets a small basic wage but his earnings rely on selling excursions to customers when he does his welcome meetings at the many hotels he is responsible for.

So far this year, he is still working long hours.  There are fewer reps employed by the company which means those who are working have more hotels to cover.  But there are not as many customers so it's proving difficult to earn money.  I think most of us suspected that this would be a bad season but we tried to live in hope.  Businesses will close because rents won't be covered.  There will undoubtedly be many out of work this year.  We are lucky that Kaya still has a job.

I am pretty good at economising when I need to.  I've had times in my life when I could afford to buy whatever I wanted, but times when money was in very short supply.  I can adapt easily and the habit I have had for years of checking prices in supermarkets for the best deals, has never left me.

Kaya has sold the car.  He has replaced it with a motorbike which is almost brand new.  This means that the debt on the car has now been cleared.  He has a company car with his job but if he wants to use it to come home the company make him pay highly for the privilege.  The idea was to leave our car at home for me to use throughout the summer but because of the changes in law on driving licences, I am not able to drive here now, unless I take a Turkish driving test at great expense.  Now he can come home sometimes on the motorbike and the cost of petrol will be a fraction of what it costs to use the car.

It will be difficult if we need to take dogs to the vet, and collect sacks of food, but we will have to borrow a car if necessary.   I think some of you may remember just how much Kaya can manage to carry on a we'll manage!

I am used to using the dolmuş to go into Milas or further afield, and my good friend David usually takes me shopping in Milas once a week, which helps enormously.

We may also have to cut back on what we provide to the dogs in the area.  Even though we have donations coming in, it's never enough.  My fund is still in the red.  When I see dogfood on offer I buy it anyway because I can't afford to miss good deals, and then hope money will eventually come in to cover it.  Sometimes it does, but sometimes it doesn't.  Feeding and providing vet care for my 12 rescues costs a great deal, so I rely on donations to pay for all the other dogs (and cats) out there that we are trying to help.   We will continue to feed those we are committed to, but we know our limitations and it will be difficult to take on responsibility for any more.

I hate asking for money.  To be honest, writing about it in a blog post seems easier than just coming straight out with it on my Facebook page.   I am however extremely grateful for those who have continued to donate.  Without your generosity, we'd never have managed to help so many animals in need.

If you would like to help, you will find the PayPayl button at the top right hand side of this page.  Thankyou xxx